In one of my RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults/classes to join the Catholic church) classes this morning, our facilitator asked in reference to one of the scripture readings of today “What had cultivated our call to Catholicism?”  The scripture referred to the parable of the fig tree that after three years had not produced fruit. It was given one more year, with lots of cultivation, just as we, too, are given second chances by God but must produce “fruit” in order to be saved.

That got me to thinking… While I definitely do feel “called” due to the complete change in my beliefs in the last year or so, it made me realize a lot of things have led me to this point all through my life.

So what “cultivated” Catholicism in me? What prepared me to fully jump in with both feet at the age of 38? Here’s a list of some of the things that come to mind over my life:

• My father and his parents (my grandparents), who have always been religious, and made sure I was baptized and exposed to religion, waiting until the time I was ready to accept it.  They were consistent and steady without being pushy.
• Wonderful role models like my grandparents (same as above) and in-laws who demonstrated humility, unending kindness, simplicity, gratitude, generosity and love.
• The former priest down the road and his family who took me to a Christian church with them every Sunday during my middle school years.
• A longtime friend who always unknowingly provided a word of encouragement from a distance at so many times when I needed and the sense of acceptance and support provided.
• A father who gave me confidence and belief in myself.
• A supporting husband who introduced me to Catholicism and the fond memories it evokes in him — and now the joy it gives me.
• The many wonderful people on my recent journey to Catholicism who’ve answered my many questions, lent an ear, discussed my concerns, and provided support, reassurance and prayers!

This is just a start but today’s question  showed me that perhaps God is starting to put all the puzzle pieces of my life together. Perhaps he’s been working on me for quite some time and decided now was the time in my life to call me to him after all the preparation work he’s done. I still have a long road ahead toward continual conversion of my way of life to better conform to Jesus’ example but I’ve come quite a long way already… I don’t see why I can’t go ahead and finish the marathon one day.

This Lent, the big issue I am struggling with or rather striving toward, is greater control over mind and body: Denying that which earthly things desire in favor for that which my soul — and the Holy Spirit — desires. Wow, what a task!

After reading “The Story of a Soul” by Saint Therese of Lisieux, I have adopted the technique of trying to gain more control over small things first… I’ll get to the bigger things later :). She made every act of her life a way to glorify God whether it was holding her tongue with a fellow Sister whom her body/mind found disagreeable or denying herself a small pleasure.

I never quite understood the “giving up” part of Lent until this year. Why exactly did I need to give up soda during Lent? I always thought of it as a sacrifice really, but I think I missed the mark. The “giving up” of something is really about mastering self-control over what your body and mind want. With control, over time, you develop the capacity to follow the Spirit instead of giving into the whims of the body.

This Lent I’ve tried to work on denying myself little by little during everyday life, and, yes, food comes into play a lot for me. I’ve decided not just to abstain from meat on Fridays but to fast every Friday. For me, that means 3 small meals a day (like a PBJ, a scrambled egg or a waffle) with no snacking in between. The Church defines fasting as one main meal and two smaller meals that together do not equal more than the main meal.

I’ve started to enjoy watching myself grow hungry and seeing my ability to control my desire to head to the pantry for a Girl Scout cookie, and, let me tell you, sometimes that’s quite a fight! Saint Therese took great joy in her denials of self and I hope I can develop that capacity for joy in denial over time.

While food can be an obvious way to develop these muscles of self-control, because it is tangible and you can physically feel the result of your control, there are plenty of other ways to work on this, as well.

For example, I am really trying to work on complaining and when that desire to complain pops in my head to stop and examine why it is that I need someone else to hear this negative thought. It must come down to pride, wanting someone else to feel/think something about me and how much I have done or how wonderful I am to have suffered, right?

The Church, in fact, teaches that when fasting or working on self-denial, you don’t boast about it or even tell others about it. The point is not to be commended for your control but rather just to build it up — no one needs to know. So if I can recognize this desire of mine, I can see it for what it is and let it pass and try to resist making the statement.

Another one is holding my tongue when I lose patience with my children. Patience is certainly one of the virtues I greatly need to work on. So it is a great struggle to control the anger and louder voice that wants to come screaming out of my mouth about a hundred times a day during daily life with two busy, active little boys.

By no stretch will I perfect any of these issues, but I hope come the end of Lent, I will have developed a little more self-control over all areas of my life by diligently being mindful during this period. I have a long road ahead of me, but that’s what the Christian life is all about isn’t it? The continual conversion of self toward becoming the saint God wants us to be…

I think I received my first “rose” from the lovely Saint Therese of Lisieux! I am so amazed! I have just finished reading her book “The Story of a Soul,” and after seeing how much love she has for Jesus and how often her prayers were answered for even some of the most difficult things, I decided to pray to her for a specific request.

Over the last few days, I have been praying to ask for her intercession, and first thing this morning, just after finishing a prayer to her, I headed outside to take out the dog and pick up the paper. I opened up the newspaper while outside only to find the whole page filled with pink roses and a story about how to decorate your home using roses. My first rose …

For those of you unfamiliar with St. Therese of Lisieux, she describes herself as God’s Little Flower, one of the least of his flock. In her book, she says she asked the Lord why there need to be flowers like daffodils when there are beautiful flowers like roses. He answered that the spring would not be so beautiful without all the flowers — great and small.

When people pray to her, she often grants them a rose is some form or another. Read these St. Therese intercession stories for some examples. It’s quite amazing.

I look forward to continuing to pray to St. Therese and I have decided to choose her as my confirmation saint. I hope I have many more roses yet to come :).

Since I’ve begun my journey toward Catholicism, a stumbling block for me has been feeling distant from Jesus. When I examine where that comes from, I think it has to do with several factors: one, it’s hard for me to believe Jesus, son of God, would want to take time for me. Also, when I read the Bible, I don’t know if it’s just me, but in the Gospel when he speaks he sounds very serious and strict, not terribly warm. Yet, we hear Jesus described as tender and loving and compassionate, which certainly we do see by his acts.

Now, I’m a writer and I know it can be difficult, if not impossible, to properly convey tone of voice and the way something is said without actually hearing it (think of the many emails we’ve all taken the wrong way :)). So I try to look at those words as more just an attempt to capture as correctly as possible what Jesus said rather than convey the emotion along with it. I feel most connected to Jesus when he was a vulnerable baby, a happy child and I’m starting to see this is OK. Jesus was all these things (baby, child, young man, grown man) and they are as much him as the Jesus of later years.

I’m reading The Story of a Soul by St. Therese de Lisieux, who declared herself Therese of the Child Jesus due to a special devotion she felt to Jesus in this part of his life. She often references her connection to the child of Jesus and his unique feelings and desires as a baby and young boy. She has also shown me what a wonderful relationship with Jesus looks like. She is so very devoted to him and full of love, more than you can imagine. She’s started to crack the walls of that love for me by showing it to me so brilliantly and I’m beginning to feel it for myself.

By spending a weekly Holy Hour with the Blessed Sacrament, I hope that too will bring me into closer communion with Jesus. After all, as with any relationship, you have to spend some time together to get to know one another :). I’m also hopeful that once I can receive the Eucharist (less than 40 days away!), that will also bring me into closer communion with our Beloved.

I also find comfort in St. Therese when she talks about many periods of darkness that she experienced throughout her life when she felt separated from the Lord. So if even a saint can experience a distance, there is hope for me yet. I suppose that much like it’s hard to know what “full” feels like unless you’ve been “hungry,” perhaps we must experience separation to know and appreciate full communion.

How has your relationship with Jesus developed?