Monthly Archives: May 2013

Teaching Sexuality to Kids Within the Framework of the Catholic Church

Sexuality and CatholicismIn an effort to learn more about the Catholic church’s teaching on contraception, I’ve been reading a recommended book called “Good News About Sex and Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions About Catholic Teaching.”

As I have a boy who’s headed into the preteen years, I am starting to ponder how to frame sexuality to him in a way that is not harsh but promotes Catholic moral values. So I’m interested in this topic not just for myself but for guiding my children as well.

I am just at the beginnings of learning about this, but already I think I’ve come to quite a revelation about the teaching about sex and marriage within the Catholic church, something I wish I’d been taught as a young girl growing up.

I love the church’s whole concept of self-giving — lack of focus on self but instead on others, in every aspect of life. Let’s do for others instead of getting stuck in the mindset of what I can do to make myself happier/feel good/bring pleasure. I think this little nugget in itself makes all of life so much more meaningful and happier.

I see many people stuck in the idea of “if I just lived here, won the lottery, had this job, hadn’t made this mistake, etc., I’d be happy.” It’s not the outside that makes you happy — it’s not where you live, if you have a pool, if you make a certain amount of money, if you’re debt free; happiness is found internally by finding God. Sure, these material, physical things can give us a moment of pleasure, but it’s fleeting; find God and you find eternal joy and a remarkable tolerance to suffering and pain.

How does sexuality play into this? Think about it in those same terms — how can I make others happy? Instead of thinking about personal pleasure, it should be about how can I use this God-given gift to make a relationship more intimate and more fruitful. How can it bring us closer together? If you’re stuck in the idea of let’s do this because it feels good physically and that’s it, that’s a set up for unhappiness and loneliness.

That’s how I’d like to frame sexuality for my sons. It should be for the glory of God and that means for bringing a couple closer in marriage or for sacrificing it to God for a greater glory. I know teenage boys are so very lustful and so I wonder how that will play out. I can only suggest they ask God to take that lust and turn it into energy that can be used for good instead.

I would love to hear from other parents out there how you teach sexuality to your kids within the framework of the Catholic church without making it a total YOU CAN’T DO THIS and more of THIS IS WHY IT’S RIGHT TO DO THIS. I’d love to hear your comments.

Quote for Thought: The Purpose of Passions

From the YouCat (Youth Catechism):

Why did God give us “passions” or emotions? 

We have passions so that through strong emotions and distinct feelings we might be attracted to what is right and good and repelled from what is evil and bad.

God made man in such a way that he can love and hate, desire or despise something, be attracted by some things and afraid of others, be full of joy, sorrow, or anger. In the depths of his heart man always loves good and hates evil—or what he considers to be such.

Is someone a sinner if he experiences strong passions within himself? 

No, passions can be very valuable. They are designed to lead to and reinforce good actions; only when they are disordered do the passions contribute to evil.

Passions that are ordered to the good become virtues. They then become the motive force of a life of fighting for love and justice. Passions that overpower a person, rob him of his freedom and entice him to evil, we call vice.  (YOUCAT questions 293-294)

Afternoons With Mary Praying the Rosary

Catholic RosaryAfter I officially was confirmed Catholic, I started to drift away from the Liturgy of the Hours as my daily go-to prayers. I still did them but not with the consistency and frequency that I was last year. Instead, I started to feel called to pray the Rosary.

It’s funny, my relationship with the Rosary has not been a simple one. When I first started looking into it, I was totally and utterly confused about how to pray it. I didn’t understand that you meditated on different “mysteries” (or themes, for Catholic newbies ;-)) based on the day of the week and the “decade” (or set of 1o rosary beads) you were praying. I finally came across a simple tri-fold brochure at church that simplified it for me and I would pray it every so often.

When I first prayed the Rosary, I had a hard time. I would think to myself, “Ok, how many more beads? Am I almost done?” It really created a sense of anxiety within me!

I’ve been reading a fair amount about Mary of late, especially with it being the Marian month of May, and I felt called to try to pray the Rosary daily (note “try” being the key word). It never failed that I would wait to pray it until late in the day, but something would happen unexpectedly (as it so often does with kids around) and then I’d be too tired and I wouldn’t get to it. So I decided instead to try to pray it at lunchtime before my day could go too far astray and when the kids were at school. That has worked brilliantly!

I now sit down about 11:30 and pray my Rosary. At first, I used my brochure, but then I discovered that my favorite free smartphone app, Laudate, has the Rosary mysteries for each day included. I can also look up the Apostles Creed in Prayers on the app, which I don’t quite have memorized yet. I also like the reflections on the mysteries/meditations that the Laudate app includes.

This has become such a wonderful habit! At the end of the day when I stop and think what I am most grateful for, it’s often for the opportunity to have that silent 20-30 minutes of peace and reflection praying the Rosary. I’ve become a real pro and it no longer creates anxiety, but rather comfort and calm in the midst of a chaotic day. If you’re feeling that anxiety, I’d advise being persistent and pushing through it. The more often you pray it, the easier it becomes.

I also love the idea that I can dedicate the Rosary to different people and causes who need prayers. It helps me feel like I’m doing something concrete to help both myself and others.

It’s funny though how much distraction is often put in my way when I sit down to pray. Is this noise that the devil is creating? I am so often interrupted — by dogs, cats, my husband, heck, a coyote ran through my yard yesterday when I was trying to pray it outside, no kidding! But that’s OK. If I need to stop, I do, and then just come back to it later. I am determined not to let distractions take me away from my Rosary!

I then follow the Rosary with either the Angelus, traditionally prayed at Noon, or through the Easter season, the Queen of Heaven prayer. Both are quick and a nice way to stop your day and put your priorities in place. Then I may pray the daily prayer of a novena set of prayers I am participating in from PrayMoreNovenas.com or a set I have picked out on my own.

Have you made time for a daily Rosary in your life? How has it changed your life? I am only about a month in, but I look forward to the graces and changes it brings to me and others.

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Quote for Thought: Father Ron Rolheiser

I get a daily email from Father Ron Rolheiser, priest and writer, whose column sometimes appears in The Catholic Moment, the newspaper of the Lafayette Diocese. Loved this quote in a recent email newsletter from him. It’s especially compelling for parents :):

“It is safe to trust, to let our loved ones be free, because a power beyond us loves them more than we do and ultimately takes care of their safety.”

As a parent of young boys, I don’t have to worry about letting them be free quite yet, but that day does give me pause. I can’t imagine sending them off on their own!

You can read more from his column on this topic here.